By Pauline Raphaela | January 2014
The day I met Michelle, I met my twin soul sister. At seventeen years old, I was hired as a part time receptionist after school in a small Marketing firm. She was the executive secretary. Within two weeks we were best friends and learned we shared a common food interest—bagels! We both loved bagels with cream cheese for lunch. Several times a week she would walk up to my desk, which was in the front of the office, and ask, “Feeling bagely today?” That was a sign her craving was kicking in, and it was my job to go to the bagel store.
She was twelve years older than me, but that was no issue for two people whose sun signs were in Capricorn, who thought alike, never fought, and naturally believed in spirits, God and having fun. This friendship was based on love and honesty. Our “forever” mindset kept us connected through every marriage, divorce, birthday, and crisis in our lives. There was no doubt that our bond would stand the test of time, and we knew it.
Throughout our lives, we danced to Lou Rawls and The Drifters. We laughed, cried, and snacked on pepperoni, cheese and white wine. Many nights we sat at her kitchen table with an old deck of Tarot cards and dared to play in the Metaphysical realm. Our curiosity about what might happen in the future was hard to resist. So, with wine in hand, we lay down the mystical cards to see what would be revealed.
She was a friend and confidant. I would share my deepest, darkest secrets with her without ever worrying that I might be judged. And in turn, I would hold the same space of unconditional love for her. I figured we’d always be there for each other. The thought of any other possibility never entered my mind, until the day a doctor confirmed there was nothing more the medical community could do for her.
Forty years after we met, my friend lay in a hospice bed. The room was barren, with only bare essentials: a bed, TV, two side tables with chairs. Walls were painted in soft beige tones to subdue the senses. These rooms are minimalistic for a reason. The dying have a mission, and it’s not to be distracted by physical objects, things or décor that no longer inspire the physical senses.
Pain medication was administered through an ongoing drip. Mostly, she was sleeping and unaware of what was happening. But at one point she awoke to find me sitting at her side. Her eyes were still vibrant green. They were the most beautiful eyes I had ever seen, and often told her so. To see her awake brought a feeling of momentary joy, yet the rush of sorrow was waiting to bust through the wall around my heart.
“How are you Michelle? Are you comfortable?” I asked.
“Yes.” Her voice was weak.
I knew what needed to be said, but it wasn’t easy. The angels were asking me to assist my friend of forty years back to the soul’s natural home.
“Do you see a White Light?”
“A Light. Yes. A Light.” she whispered.
“Do you know what to do?”
She was silent and did not respond. Her eyebrows squinted together as if to say she was confused.
“If you go into the Light, you will feel peaceful.”
I felt awful saying it. Was I contributing to her death? What if she got angry with me for showing her the way into The Light? I didn’t want to irritate her.
With a smile, she repeated, “Peaceful, peaceful.” A sigh of relief swept over her face. I saw her delight in recognizing that peace awaited her. Thank goodness she was not angry with me. For so long, she had forgotten what peace felt like. Liver disease and growing cancer kept her in discomfort for the last six months.
“Yes…that’s right. Walk into the Light. That’s home Michelle. Peace awaits you.” Tears rolled down my face because I knew she saw it. She’s beginning to remember the way home, I thought, and I’m losing her.
Serenity replaced her confused expression as the way home became clearer and clearer.
“Don’t leave me. Stay,” Michelle whispered.
I slipped my hand into hers. “I’m here with you. I’m not leaving.” Her grip was firm, like a child needing support as it takes its first steps.
She fell back to sleep. Her breath was slow and heavy. Again, I am asked by God to help my friend so as to release her suffering as quickly as possible. As a healer, I can see energy blockages lingering in the body. These blockages must be released before one can ascend into heaven. For the next forty-five minutes I meditated with her.
How can God ask me to do such an unselfish thing? How can God ask me to expedite the death of someone I love? I was more than conflicted about it, but my job was not to question, it was to serve. To let her go would take great courage. My heart wanted to keep her here, but she is not mine to keep as we all belong to God in life and death.
I quickly drifted into meditation and saw the image of many angel wings fluttering in my mind. The support given from the spirit world was enormous and unquestionable. We are never alone.
The human energy field surrounding her body became visible to my inner eyes. I saw a block in her abdomen, the second chakra, represented by the color orange. The bright orange Light swiftly moved into my inner vision. I communicated with the energy of the orange Light and asked it to reveal the correction in words, to unblock the area. I heard the words, “releasing control.”
Still in meditation, I spoke those words aloud, knowing Michelle’s hearing was probably still intact despite her waning condition.
“Releasing control,” I repeated. Her pelvic area jerked upward, then dropped back into the bed. Within seconds, the blockage was gone and the orange Light disappeared from my mind’s eye.
Her entire energy field began to turn glistening white. Like a brilliant diamond, her aura was illuminated by the Light of her soul. Her soul floated upward, out of the top of her head. It looked like a movie, but I knew it was real, for it wasn’t my first time assisting someone into the Light. I breathed deeply in and out to consecrate the sacred work of the divine, who so graciously trusts me to be its servant. My task was completed.
I opened my eyes to gaze upon my friend. Her breathing remained slow and heavy, but peace lay upon her face. To me, she was still beautiful.
“It is done,” I said to whomever was listening.
We sat for another hour holding hands until I felt her grip loosen and fall flaccid. Slowly, I removed my hand from hers. She did not stir, and continued to fall deeper into eternal sleep. While her soul was in transition, her body lingered for twelve hours longer.
“I love you my friend. Rest easy now.” I kissed her forehead, then quietly walked out of the room to leave her be with the angels.
Her feet now walked upon the golden path to freedom, peace and love. She was reconnecting with God, with the soul’s true home. There was no turning back now, nor would she awaken on the earthly plane ever again. The final news would come soon.
At 9:30 a.m. the next morning, I received a call from Michelle’s daughter that she had passed. Despite everything, my heart sunk into despair. While I knew Michelle was ascending into the heart of God, I was left with an emptiness yet to be healed.
But I had been blessed with the gift of a twin soul: she was my guide in life. I was her guide in death.
The dying often give their gifts to the living who are open to receive them. During her life she possessed open heartedness, and non-judgment. Her door was open to anyone who needed a place to feel loved. There was a place at her table for anyone who needed a meal. She was a mother to all who needed one, and a mentor to everyone. And so from these gifts, she created a big family from diverse backgrounds, who are forever, touched by her love and warmth. I was one of them.
My forthcoming journey is to transform the grief into love, and to grow my heart. Through divine love, grief can be healed. I must reach higher toward God. There is no substitute for her, nor should there be. I embrace the transformation willingly, because I see no other way to honor the friendship we shared during the last forty years. This is how Michelle will continue to live through me, and remain part of my forever growing, loving heart.
Rest in peace my twin soul, until we meet again.